This is not a theologically sound title, especially if you are a Calvinist or from the Reformed tradition. However, it seems that I often seek out ways to dig around God. I enjoy God in the beginning and at the end of things--I love it when he shows me something new about myself, or brings closure to a dream or desire that had been unrealized for a long time. But I don't like to bring God into the middle of things, the part that requires the majority of my effort. I want to prove to God and others that I am capable of handling things in my own strength and with my own resources.
My behavior reminds me of a teenager not wanting help that they so desperately need with life. Like a teenager, I'm fearful of being exposed as fake or incapable or vulnerable, and committed to proving the opposite with lots of flesh-inspired effort.
At the beginning of my spiritual journey my idealism catapulted me into trusting God with the middle. I hadn't experienced many spiritual disappointments, and the middle was safe; especially compared to how I made decisions apart from Christ. I find myself in a place now where I have experienced many spiritual disappointments, spiritual burnouts, and hurtful actions from other Christians. My perception of the middle has definitely changed from safe to unsafe, scary, and avoidable.